Unpleasantness

If you're wondering why I'm up at such an awful time of the night, it's because I'm patiently waiting for my dog Maggie to get in from her nightly 20+ minute "potty and playtime" routine outside. I thought this an appropriate time to vent about the love-hate relationship I have with my boxer.
I have to be straight about something, first. I used to love my dog more than just about anything else beside my husband (and Jesus of course); I even went so far as to have a real fear before Max was born that it might not be possible to love my son as much as my princess Maggie. Now I laugh in disbelief every time I think about such an insane idea!
I do love my dog, but that's all I love her as, a dog. When you only love your pet as an animal, it is a much different relationship than when you love your dog as your "daughter". I often have prayed to God that he would strike her dead while I'm in the middle of trying to get Max down for his nap and Maggie is in the other room barking loud enough at any passing person/place/or thing to wake up the entire Waterloo cemetery. I know this sounds awful, especially to those of you who love your pets as your "sons and daughters", but I am not exaggerating that I literally close my eyes and pray with an earnest heart to God that he would just take her away from this earth (quickly and painlessly, of course!)
Of course I always feel guilty a while after I pray about this, but at the time of desperation during Max's nap where I know if Max doesn't get at least a solid 2 hours of afternoon sleep.....it always seems appropriate. I even go too far sometimes and think about ways to poison my dog or how to drown her in the backyard pond, but of course I would never really do such a thing. **SIGH**
Kirk told me a few days ago that I'm not allowed to talk about Maggie's death anymore because it is "unpleasant". "Unpleasant" is the code word Kirk and I use to let each other know that we are seriously disturbed by something the other is doing and that it really needs to stop FOR REAL. I agreed not to talk about the demise of my daughter...ahem....PET anymore.

I do have to admit, though, as I am sitting here looking at the clock, which now reads 2:30am, the thought of being a pet-free home is really lingering in the back of my mind.

But because of my promise to my wonderful hubby, I won't vocalize it tomorrow when I get up and tell Kirk my regular morning story about how "Yes, Dear, I DID really get up AGAIN last night at 2:00am to let Maggie out. I know you really don't believe me because you are "sleeping" through it all, but it really did happen, and if you deny it one more time, I'll make sure to wake you tomorrow night so you can experience it for yourself."
Back to bed, I hear a little whimper at the back door, Maggie must be done doing her business outside. Good-night world!